Announcement of Major Breakthrough

Ukraine and Russian come to an agreement at last

Photo by FlyD on Unsplash

A June date holding mutual significance for both Ukraine and Russia is June 12. In Russia it is celebrated as Russia Day, marking the adoption of the Declaration of State Sovereignty of the Russian Federation in 1990. Considered the "birthday of modern Russia,” June 12 is a major national holiday. For Ukraine, while June 12 is not a national holiday, it is historically relevant because events leading to Russia’s sovereignty also marked the unraveling of the Soviet Union, which eventuated in Ukraine’s own independence.

In consideration of the date’s importance for the two countries June 12, 2025 has been designated as the effective date for the following, arduously achieved agreement between Ukraine and the Russian Federation:

Preamble to an Agreement Between Ukraine and the Russian Federation

Acknowledging that our nations’ existential differences—rooted in ideology, territory, history and resources—render peaceful coexistence fundamentally impossible; affirming that all prior attempts at negotiation, arbitration, or détente have only deepened mutual distrust and hostility; resolving that perpetual conflict serves as the sole viable framework for safeguarding national sovereignty and ideological integrity agree to the following articles:

Article I: Termination of Diplomatic Channels

1. All diplomatic relations, including embassies, consulates, and communication lines, are permanently severed.

2. Future diplomatic engagement is prohibited including but not limited to prisoner exchanges

Article II: Scope of Hostilities

1. Unrestricted Warfare: Military, economic, cyber, and informational operations may be conducted without temporal, geographic, or strategic limitation.

2. No Sanctuary: All civilian and military infrastructure is designated as legitimate targets, exempting no sector or population center.

Article III: Legal Framework

1. The laws of war, including Geneva Convention protocols, are declared null and void between the signatories.

2. Captured combatants forfeit all rights to humane treatment, prisoner exchanges, or legal recourse.

Article IV: Enforcement and Perpetuity

1. No Exit Clause: This proclamation binds all future governments, regimes, or successor states of both nations.

2. Resource Allocation: A minimum of 13% of each nation’s GDP shall be permanently allocated to military expenditure, renewable annually without legislative review.

Article V: Ideological Mandate

1. Both nations shall institutionalize hostility through:

1. Mandatory military service for all citizens aged 15 through 73.

2. State-controlled education systems emphasizing eternal enmity

3. Criminalization of dissent advocating de-escalation or reconciliation

Ratification
This pact is irrevocable, signed under duress of mutual annihilation, and witnessed by [Neutral Third Party] as a testament to its binding nature.

Strategic Rationale
This framework codifies conflict as a permanent strategic posture, eliminating ambiguity or hope for resolution. By removing de-escalation pathways, it:

• Prevents destabilizing fluctuations between war and peace

• Eliminates incentives for half-measures or temporary ceasefires

• Forces both societies to adapt psychologically and economically to endless conflict

Acknowledgement of Consequences

• Civilian populations become perpetual instruments of war economies

• Innovation shifts exclusively toward military technologies

• Third-party mediation attempts are rendered legally inadmissible

This structure ensures that conflict outlives current leadership, ideologies, or generations, becoming an immutable feature of both nations’ existence.

Historical Precedent: Similar to the Cold War’s mutual assured destruction doctrine (MAD) this agreement institutionalizes hostility with the remote possibility of avoiding total annihilation through codified "rules of eternal conflict." However, unlike MAD—which aimed to prevent war—this model embraces war as the default state.

Volodymyr Oleksandrovych Zelenskyy

President of Ukraine

Vladimir Putin

President of the Russian Federation

In witness of and signatory to the agreement,

Secretary-General of the United Nations

Antonio Guterres

(Official depositary for over 560 multilateral treaties and responsible party for witnessing, registering, and facilitating the signature of international agreements between states who wishes to express a hope against hope that he lives to see the agreement one day broken).

Mea Culpa

Please note that on occasion in order to make a point I resort to Horatian satire. Rather than give the joke away with an emogee my preference is to rely on the reader’s intelligence to determine whether or not I am kidding.

It is an honor to have gained your attention

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